Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Friendships That Matter

This used to be me.  And, I'll admit, sometimes still is.  Ever since I was old enough to have friends, I have had a few really good ones at once.  I was always friend-ly with most everyone I met, but in terms of who I hung out with, who I called when I was having a bad day, or who I trusted with information that I thought was important to keep under-wraps, there were always only a few.

I have had friends who I have been really close with, and then something happens that is big enough that it turns the entire friendship into something else...a, well, acquaintanceship.  Sometimes it's hard when this happens, and other times, things just sort of fall into place that way over time, and before I can realize it, the relationship has been redefined.

Some of my friendships have been fierce in the beginning -- always hanging out, calling each other, hanging out nonstop; and then, all of a sudden, nothing.  No hard feelings, no betrayal, just dwindled interest for maintaining that connection.

And then, there is the other sort of 'friendship break-up' -- that which comes from bad behavior...something that has been said or done to hurt one or the other person.  Or both, as some cases may be.  The kind that manifests itself in your heart of hearts as a memory of the way things used to be...  I have one friendship like this in my repertoire, and I dearly miss this person.  I think it would definitely be safe for me to say that after the dissolution of the relationship I had with this person, I became choosier when it came to selecting who I would spend a lot of time with.  I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I didn't want anyone to hurt me.

Can anyone relate to this?  This feeling of loss, even though something may have been lost so many years (and what feels like lifetimes) ago?

However sad an ending friendship can be, I have found myself, over time, in a position where new friendships are budding, and old ones are flourishing.  I just had lunch the other day with someone who I feel is such a kindred spirit with me already -- and our past is linked in a funny way too, interestingly enough.  We went to the same elementary school and middle school, at the same time, and here we are now -- her boyfriend is one of my husband's best friends, and we found ourselves meeting up for lunch the other day.

I have my bestest friend, a person who brings me such joy and is honestly one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life -- and the sweetest.  She is incredibly into nature and all things forest-y, and I learn so much from her, and she offers the best advice.  She was the Maid of Honor in my wedding, and honestly, it couldn't have been anyone else.  

Another very dear friend to me is someone who I look up to for so many reasons.  Her positivity, her zest and passion for healthy living, and her incredible kindness and acceptance for everyone are things that I admire.  

I feel as though I have been on a journey to make these friends for a long time, and although the pain of past friendships still lingers, today, and tomorrow, and the day after that...I know that, with time, it will be less so.

What are your experiences with friendships?  What is important to you in a friend?  And do you relate to me in that some friendships have just not worked out long-term?



  1. As I get to know more bloggers, I'm surprised by how many of us share the same experience in friend breakups. It's literally something I thought stopped happening after middle school. It happened to me in graduate school, and it was a blow. I wrote about it on my blog and got so many responses from other women who had gone through the same terrible experience. I, too, have become careful in forging new friendships. But it's also made me cherish the ones that I know are tried and true.

    1. Thanks for weighing in on this, Joy! It is definitely a difficult thing to go through, but I know that I feel the same as you -- those special few are so, so important!

  2. I relate to all of this Maria. I also have had a strong friendship go bad with both ending up hurt. And it's still not resolved. I'm not sure if it ever will be, but I hope somehow we can at least work it out so there are no more grudges. Maybe we can't be friends, but can we at least not be cold hard enemies?

    Friendships can make life crazy, dramatic, or wonderful. No one can get along with everyone, so if it just so happens a friendship changes, or drifts apart, or even you just don't see eye to eye, the best thing to do is just to accept it (no matter how hard that is).

    I've always only had few friends at any time. I like it that way because relationships are time consuming and I don't like to feel spread thin. So I like to have enough time to really nurture the relationships that are important to me, and that make sense to remain in.


    1. I agree with you -- it would be nice to clear the air and move on, even if the friendship wasn't meant to continue. I would love to know that if I saw this friend in a store or at a bar, we could cordially say hello and go on with our lives, you know? Thanks for commenting. xo